she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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