need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
