She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
