quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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