We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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