I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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