There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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