I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
