Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was like eating out sand paper
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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