i already hear my dad disowning me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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