Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize