I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
