M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I won the penis lottery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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