I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
