onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
