Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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