Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
