you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
