Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
