I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
