clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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