But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
