Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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