OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
