yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
