Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
