i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
