I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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