how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
