My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
