I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
