Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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