New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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