He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
