explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
