dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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