Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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