Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
