why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
