JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
