we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
