this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
