I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
