how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
