Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
