You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
