I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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