you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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