woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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