i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
