Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
