Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
