I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
