Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
