So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
