I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
