real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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