I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
