I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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