My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
