see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
