I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
