I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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