Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
