Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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