No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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