Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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