I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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