Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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