I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
