shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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