she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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