He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
