Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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