Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
