please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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