Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
