he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
